Yes this section is about choosing the right partner and we feature some rock solid advice and illustrations of what can happen if you look for perfection in a man. Obviously choosing a man as a partner or husband is also a matter for the heart as well but this advice tends to ignore such important points and looks at such as what advice a mother would give you based on her experience.
Nobody is perfect. You aren’t likely to find someone who agrees with you all the time, buys flowers every day or always lets you win at card games. Hopefully though, if you follow some of this advice, you might find the guy who agrees with you most of the time, buys flowers and lets you win pretty often! Good luck!
However we would also advise you not to take the pointers too seriously and look for love and feelings when shopping for a husband you could come up with a real bargain basement offer that is just right for you.
A Mother’s Advice to Her Daughter
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal…
Husband Shopping Center
A Husband Shopping Center has opened in Atlanta where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband.
It is laid out in five floors with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend. However, there is a catch.
You’re only allowed in once. Once you open the door to any floor you must choose a man from that floor.
If you go up a floor you can’t go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. “Well, that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking. “Hmmm, better,” says the woman. “But I wonder what’s further up?”
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and help with the housework. “Wow,” says the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there’s more further up!”
And so again, she goes up.
On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak “Oh, mercy me.” (That’s how women talk in Georgia) “But just think, that must be awaiting me further up?” So up to the fifth floor she goes.
The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping.
Have a nice day!
Rules For Women Written By Men
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us crying about you leaving it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides Let it be.
- Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Check your oil! Please.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
- If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
- It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
- I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight and possibly the rest of the week, but did you know we men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.