While working at the mall, I saw an elderly couple holding hands while they were walking towards me.

As they approached, I commented on how romantic it was to see a couple of their age holding hands as they walk.

He replied, “We have been holding hands when we go out in public for over thirty years. I have to.   If I let go, she shops”.

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The Young Scottish Couple

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.   For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’. . .perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.

“Another penny for your thoughts, Angus”.

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad. “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me that first penny?”

Don’t worry about it being slightly racist as a Scot myself we love to make fun of our reputation as being very canny with money. I even have a padlock on my Sporran to stop any pickpockets.
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Sharing a Meal

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds that cold winter evening.  They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.  You could tell what the admirers were thinking.

“Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.  The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.  The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.  He placed one half in front of his wife.  Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.  He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking.  “That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples table.   He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine.   They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.  Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat.  This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.  Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food.  After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.

“Ma’am, why aren’t you eating? You said that you share everything.  What is it that you are waiting for?”

She answered, “The teeth”.

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The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.   Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.  Only one survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor ?????????????
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it’s worth it)
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Answer: The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

I don’t know why but my wife insisted I put this in and being an “almost” perfect man I don’t argue with her.