Wedding Planning Are you going to change your names on marriage?
You need to decide about whether you are going to change your name on marriage.
For most women, it is simply assumed that they will take their husband’s last name after marriage. This is just the way it has been done for many years, and so many people (most likely including your fiancé) will think you are planning on doing the same thing.
Nowadays, taking your husband’s last name does not necessarily nod towards a subordination of some kind, but instead makes your legal relationship of husband and wife more easily recognized. When you go to secure a home mortgage loan, for instance, the paperwork will possibly be easier if you both have the same last name as a married couple. However with the growing acceptance of couples choosing to live together without a formal wedding ceremony this is likely not to be as difficult as it would have been in the past.
Other options to consider leading up to the marriage
If you are diametrically opposed to taking on your husband’s last name for whatever reason, you do have some other options.
The most remote option is probably to have your husband take on your last name, but this isn’t likely to happen in many cultures. However there is no reason why it should not happen.
Your second option is to hyphenate your last name along with your husband’s last name, but many women find this a cumbersome task eventually as they tire of spelling the whole thing out time and again. Do you really want to have to spell out a full double-barrelled name for the next twenty, sixty or even more years of your married life?
A third option is to opt to simply keep your maiden name without any sort of hyphenation or anything. This may seem like the easiest option, but you may find it a bit complicated if you and your husband have children. Whose last name will they use? Will they hyphenate?
One which is adopted widely nowadays is for the woman to adopt her husband’s name but to continue using her own name for professional reasons. For example Cherie, the wife of Tony Blair (former British Prime Minster) continues even after 27 years of marriage to be known as Cherie Booth (see photo on right) when working as a barrister (a specialist lawyer).
Been married more than once?
A woman changing her name on marriage is often expected and many legal forms do ask for a woman’s maiden names. However it can also lead to problems when claiming pensions etc if the agencies do not tie up the different names — especially difficult if you have been married more than once.
The other potential problem some may have is names on educational certificates. Imagine you are applying for a new job and the new employer is asking for proof of qualifications. Do you really want to go through the problem of explaining each time that you did the initial training course under the name of Miss Smith. You then got married to Mr. Brown before doing a specialist course then divorced and married Mr. Green just before finishing another specialist course. Each certificate having a different name will make some employers a little wary of taking you on.
The option of keeping one professional name has it’s advantage but may also raise the eyebrows of some of your work colleagues when they discover you booked a conference hotel room to share with a man who had a different last name.
However, I also know a couple who both changed their name on marriage to something entirely different to either person’s original name. They had taken the first half of the wifes name and the second half of the husbands name and merged them. The combination worked for them although they were constantly having to spell it out to others. I must admit this is very uncommon but it was a compromise arrangement for both of them.
Unless you have a huge aversion to the thought of taking on your husband’s last name you may want to just go ahead and take it. If you are not taking on his name be sure to clue him in on your decision…if he is expecting you to take on his name and then suddenly you announce that you won’t be taking it on he might be taken aback, and maybe even a little offended.
Discuss it between you and work out an arrangement that suits you both.
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