Learn to be a Fabulous Flirt

Think about someone you know who is a fabulous flirt. What is it that they have that makes them capable of winning friends and influencing people? At first thought, their behavior may seem totally outrageous, but think of the benefits of utilizing basic interpersonal communication skills in your every day life. Some advantages to flirting: it builds your self confidence, sharpens your communication skills, helps you to build rapport with others, enables you to meet lots of interesting people, and increases your chances of getting a date or finding the love of your life.

A pretty good trade off just for learning to flirt with other people, don’t you think?

Many people believe that the flirts of the world were just born that way. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, you too can learn the techniques of fabulous flirting and become the kind of person that draws other people to you like bees to honey.

Think of that fabulous flirt again. What makes their flirting technique so effective? Most likely, they have learned the concept of openness. Openness is the ability to be receptive to all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. The second trait they have honed is acceptance. They know that accepting people as they are makes people want to befriend you. The third common trait is that they are risk takers. They are not afraid of rejection. There is little doubt that flirting is a challenge. After all, you are opening yourself up to being turned down. But as with most of life and love, the risk of rejection far out weighs the alternative of being close minded, non accepting, and lonely.

Fabulous flirters also try to bring out the best in everyone they meet. It is fun to be around someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Flirts are aware of something you probably are not. They know that they can flirt with anyone, anywhere, anytime. But the ultimate secret of their success is that they realize that the interaction may only be for a short while, but make the most of it just the same, whether it is at a coffee shop, in the line at the grocery store, or on a vacation in the Bahamas. They accept the person and encounter for what it is and enjoy it for however long it lasts.

Common Characteristics of Fabulous Flirters

Most of you probably think that you have to have movie star looks to be a fabulous flirt. Well, think again, some of the best flirts I know have average looks. The difference is that they display the qualities of being open, sure of themselves, charming, and interested in you. These are qualities that are attractive to most people. In order to make yourself irrisitable to others, communicate openness, confidence, acceptance, and interest. By maintaining an open body position, smiling when appropriate, looking at people in their eyes, and making the first move, you can initiate more meaningful interpersonal interactions. All of which is just being friendly, which is easy enough to do, right?

How to tell if someone if flirting with you:

1. Do they look you directly in the eye?
2. Do they smile and laugh a lot in your presence?



3. Do they wink or use exaggerated facial expressions?
4. Do they touch or try to get close to you?
5. Do they compliment you?
6. Do they ask a lot of questions, usually of the personal nature: (Does your boyfriend know your are here? What side of town do you live on)??
7. Do they demonstrate concern of of some sort? (Bake you cupcakes, open the door for you?)
8. Make it a point to say hello and good bye to you
9. Spend a lot of time around you?
10. Make sexual innuendoes?

If you answered yes to five or more of these questions, you can bet you are being flirted with!

Levels of Flirting

Level 1: The Flirting Ice Breaker

Level 2:  The Flirting Introduction

Level 3: The Flirting Invitation

Level one Flirting should be kept light and playful, as you are just trying to "break the ice" and perhaps talk with the person. If you come on too strong initially, you may take it too far and turn the person off. Men are notorious for this kind of behavior and often never get to level 2 because they come off as offensive and rude.   Breaking the ice can be accomplished either verbally or nonverbally. For example, saying something like, do you know which train goes into downtown might get a conversation started. Sometimes a simple smile or wave can do the trick. By the way, women make the mistake of leaving level one flirting to the man and therefore miss out on excellent opportunities.

Level two Flirting comes about after you have "made contact," which is accomplished after the other person has acknowledged your existence. At this point in the encounter, you might want to introduce yourself and perhaps start up a conversation. Level two flirting consists of light conversation. Non-verbal expressions of "like," such as smiling, looking at someone intently, or a subtle touch is also common. Flattery can be a very effective flirting tool, if communicated in an honest and sincere way. Men and women alike may compliment the person on what he or she is wearing, the job they did at work, or their choice of decor. If you choose to use flattery, just be sure your compliment is sincere, as people can tell when you are just saying things you think we want to hear!

Level three Flirting occurs after both people are clearly enjoying each other’s company. This is when one or the other participants invites the other to do something. The invitation could be overt or subvert. Some prefer the direct approach such as asking: "Do you want to go out for a drink?" Some may prefer the indirect approach such as reaching out to hold the other person’s hand. Clearly, at each stage, intimacy grows. From level one where no intimacy exists to level three where the two people are really getting to know each other. on a deeper level.

Gender differences in flirting.

According to Flirting 101, men and women differ in their styles of flirtation. Women often flirt by smiling a lot, using the fixed glance, the hair flip, head toss, the lip suck, and the whisper in the ear technique. Some of their flirting props: include books, unique jewelry, a sketchbook, a writing pad, tattoos, or hats. Men will flirt by using the tie stroke, eyebrow raise, the winning smile, and the arm guide. Some common flirting props: books, a child or animal, interesting accessories such as suspenders or a unique tie.

Communication Tips:

Ask open ended questions Never try to out do the other person’s story Zero in on areas of common interest   Don’t interrupt   Ask for their opinions (but don’t argue if and when they offend you)   Refer back to past conversations   Be willing to reveal yourself to others   Use his or her name often during the conversation Don’t start off every sentence with "I"  Listen more than you speak

As you can see, flirting is communication.  Miscommunication is very common, especially in interpersonal relationships, because you never know how the other person is interpreting your intentions.  When flirting, be sure you communicate honestly and directly. And remember to be yourself! Now that you know the secrets, why not go out and find someone to flirt with?

About the Author
Michelle Casto,
info@getsmartseries.com
www.getsmartseries.com

Michelle Casto is a Whole Life Coach, Speaker, and Author of the Get Smart! LearningBook Series: Get Smart! About Modern Romantic Relationships and Get Smart! about Modern Career Development She holds a Master of Education degree and is a certified career development and customer service instructor.

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