Romantic Relationship jokes — Laugh With Us

All of us like to laugh from time to time. Here we offer a growing collection of humorous romantic relationship jokes. Use these jokes to create laughter through humor in your relationship.

Try some of these ideas with these romantic relationship jokes.

a)    Add a relationship joke to a love note for example in their lunch box. Link together the ideas of laughter and thoughts of you as a fun person.

b)   Share a romantic relationship joke with him or her in a letter when you are temporarily separated a business trip or in a long distance relationship.

c)   Looking for a clean but relevant romantic relationship joke for a speech on some special occasion. Steal one of these jokes adapting as necessary.

Our offering of humorous romantic relationship jokes follows although other jokes are being added regularly for your attention.

The Original Post is located here: Romantic Humor and Jokes

Obviously we have to start with a romantic well thought out marriage proposal that is probably all too common with the man being too nervous to get the words fully right. Moving on we all know children can be very funny when they come out with some straight forward sensible things which we did not think about in advance.

The Really Big Question

For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer.  At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question.

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,”   Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes.

Then she nodded in agreement, “I think it’s a wonderful idea! . . . . Can I help you pick out the puppy?”

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Children at Weddings

These are always good for a laugh except for the couples involved. However I am not entirely sure that this humorous story was not a true event.

The guests were all seated. The parents of the bride and groom had been escorted down the aisle and seated in the front row on their respective sides. The groomsmen were in their places. The bridesmaids had each enjoyed their moment of glory as they individually walked down the aisle and took their places opposite the groomsmen. The ring bearer was the next to enter the door to the chapel. He was adorable in his little tux, just 3 years old and the bride’s brother.

Everyone smiled as they watched him begin his trip down the aisle. Then the smiles changed to puzzled looks. As the little boy took a step, he let go of the ring cushion with his right hand, raised it in front of him curving his fingers, scratching at thin air and going, “Grrrrr”, as loud as he could.

On the next step, he held the cushion with his right hand, let go with his left, raising it in front of him with curved fingers, scratched at thin air and again went, “Grrrrr”, as loud as he could. He continued alternating hands and going, “Grrrrr”, all the way down the aisle to the alter.

The ceremony continued without a hitch. At the end, the minister couldn’t control his curiosity any longer and asked why the boy made such strange motions and sounds as he walked down the aisle.

The boy replied, “That was the only way I knew how to be a ring bear.”

See what I mean.

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At The Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why’s the groom wearing black?”

Another Wedding variation

The little boy attending a wedding for the first time turns to his father and asks, “Why is the bride wearing white?”

His father replies, “So that the dishwasher matches the fridge and washing machine.”

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Wedding Vows

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to love, honour, obey and be faithful to her forever, I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the grooms vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes”, then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal!”

The pastor put a $100 bill into the grooms hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

Moral Never under-estimate the value and power of your Church Minister.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… Rank: wait… Traffic: wait… Price: wait… C: wait…

The Original Post is located here: Weddings

Nobody is perfect. You aren’t likely to find someone who agrees with you all the time, buys flowers every day or always lets you win at foxy.  Hopefully though, if you follow some of this advice, you might find the guy who agrees with you most of the time, buys flowers and lets you win pretty often! Good luck!

However we would also advise you not to take the pointers too seriously and look for love and feelings when shopping for a husband you could come up with a real bargain basement offer that is just right for you.

A Mother’s Advice to Her Daughter

1.     Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

2.     What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3.     If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4.     Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5.     Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6.     Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7.     Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8.     Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9.     Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10.   Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11.    If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12.     The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13.     If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14.     Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15.     Sadly, all men are created equal…

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Husband Shopping Center

A Husband Shopping Center has opened in Atlanta where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband.

It is laid out in five floors with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend. However, there is a catch.
You’re only allowed in once. Once you open the door to any floor you must choose a man from that floor.

If you go up a floor you can’t go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. “Well, that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking. “Hmmm, better,” says the woman. “But I wonder what’s further up?”

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and help with the housework. “Wow,” says the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there’s more further up!”

And so again, she goes up.

On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak “Oh, mercy me.” (That’s how women talk in Georgia) “But just think, that must be awaiting me further up?” So up to the fifth floor she goes.

The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping.

Have a nice day!
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Rules For Women Written By Men

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us crying about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides Let it be.
5. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
6. Crying is blackmail.
7. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
8. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
9. Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
10. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
11. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
12. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
13. Check your oil! Please.
14. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
15. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
16. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
17. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
18. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
19. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
21. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
22. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
23. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
24. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
25. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
26. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
27. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
28. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks
29. You have enough clothes.
30. You have too many shoes.
31. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
32. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
33. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight and possibly the rest of the week, but did you know we men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

The Original Post is located here: Choosing the Right Partner

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttocks and down her leg to her calf. Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side.

Then suddenly he stopped, rolled over and started watching TV.

As the wife had loved every minute of the loving and gentle touch of her husband, she asked in a gentle loving voice, “Oh sweetheart that felt so good, why did you stop?”

He replied, “I found the remote.”

The Original Post is located here: Romantic? Fondling in Bedroom

While working at the mall, I saw an elderly couple holding hands while they were walking towards me.

As they approached, I commented on how romantic it was to see a couple of their age holding hands as they walk.

He replied, “We have been holding hands when we go out in public for over thirty years. I have to.   If I let go, she shops”.

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The Young Scottish Couple

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.   For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’. . .perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.

“Another penny for your thoughts, Angus”.

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad. “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me that first penny?”

Don’t worry about it being slightly racist as a Scot myself we love to make fun of our reputation as being very canny with money. I even have a padlock on my Sporran to stop any pickpockets.
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Sharing a Meal

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds that cold winter evening.  They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.  You could tell what the admirers were thinking.

“Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.  The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.  The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.  He placed one half in front of his wife.  Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.  He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking.  “That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples table.   He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine.   They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.  Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat.  This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.  Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food.  After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.

“Ma’am, why aren’t you eating? You said that you share everything.  What is it that you are waiting for?”

She answered, “The teeth”.

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The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.   Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.  Only one survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor ?????????????
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it’s worth it)
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Answer: The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

I don’t know why but my wife insisted I put this in and being an “almost” perfect man I don’t argue with her.

The Original Post is located here: Couples